AB-Elevation

Most of us have set New Year’s Resolutions at some point in our lives. We say this is my year, I’m going to get a better job, get out of debt, stop smoking, stop drinking, or I’m going to finally lose this weight. Statistics show that most of us never achieve these New Year’s Resolutions. Why do you think that is?

There could be several things holding us back, so we need to examine ourselves and determine what it might be for us. Some of the questions we could ask ourselves are; why do I want this? What will achieving it do for me? Why now? The answers to these questions will certainly get us thinking about the resolutions we set on a deeper level.

I have designed a program to help each of us have a quantum leap this year. The program includes a workbook called Consciously Creating My Year, support from others of us on the journey with you via facebook post, and the opportunity to get monthly inspiration and direction from a professional life coach.

You can buy into the program for $20 from my website. As a bonus I am offering $5 off (until 1/1/12)to those of you that like my facebook page (if you haven’t already), then post “I am committed to Consciously Creating My Year”.

As parents we often times “bite the bullet” and ignore our inner voice that tells us to slow down. With the constant demanding of our time, our energy and our services, we fail to take a moment to breathe and take a time our for ourselves. Nevertheless, our continued ignoring can eventually cause mental, emotional and physical melt down. Feeling like I was at the peak of my life physically, I pushed myself to manage my different roles. Being the classroom mom for my teenage son, the school tutor for my younger sons school, and the parent advocate for my girls school all while I was in school trying to complete my own degree. I was literally running to four different schools, trying to maintain four different roles at each school and still uphold my role as a wife, mom, and bring in any side money with my new business and any other part time jobs I could get. Yes, my children were doing well in school, I maintained my grades, I was somehow managing to see my husband which was rarely, and I was making small progress with my business venture; it seemed as if my social life was obsolete and my prayer life was depleted. All the while, I was constantly feel an overwhelming heavy burden that laid on my chest ALL THE TIME. I was popping pills (Antacids) in order to relieve the pain. I would feel constricted and trapped all of the time and hated closed spaces. I never felt these issues before and a matter of fact I prided myself on not taking medicine because of my health. It got so bad that I found myself taking a pill in the morning and one at night just to be “proactive” and avoid the pain. Still “biting the bullet” I went about my regular schedule. This particular day, during finals week, I found myself running out of class because I could not breathe. I felt trapped, tight chested and closed in.  At this point, I knew I needed help.I immediately made an appointment to see the doctor. I thought, Oh my goodness, am I having a heart attack. I thought, “What would happen to my kids, who would care for my family, my husband would be alone! All these thoughts rushed through my mind. However, once I went to the doctor, I found out that I was having panic attacks. I was happy to find out it was not the worst, yet, relieved it was just this. I knew right then and there what I needed to do. I begin to refocus and found my source of peace again. I started to pray and ask God for direction. I asked God to help me to balance my life, relieve the stress and put my trust in Him. With God, exercise, like riding my bike (actually my sons bike), making time to exercise with my husband, spending time to journaling which was so releasing and most importantly realizing that I could not do everything and to some things I must say NO!,With all my responsibilities, it sometimes still becomes overwhelming to think about slowing down. You constantly think about what will be left unattended. With God, my family, my friends, saying NO and having full reliance on God -  I prioritize and pray my way through each and every part of my life, put my health first and realize Rome was not built in a day!

Our current challenge is time management.  My daughter usually has homework from every class every day.  She also plays volleyball.  In addition to that she has tap, ballet & jazz classes.  To make life even more exciting, my car is currently not working.  She does homework on the bus/train if possible as we travel home from practice.  She spends most of her Sundays completing assignments.  Saturday is usually her day to relax or hang out with friends/family.  My daughter's school sends weekly progress reports via e-mail which is very helpful.  I can also log onto the school website for more detailed information regarding her grades at any time.  We use this system to monitor any areas of potential concern.  Although these reports come to me, I encourage my daughter to own her responsibility for her grades.  I coach her on how to communicate with her teachers when there are discrepancies of any sort.  I do my best not to get involved unless it's absolutely necessary.  I want her to master confidence in communicating with her teachers even when she doesn't agree with them and when she feels their actions are not fair.  When I was a student, I remember being told by adults "I already graduated from high school.  You need to graduate!"  At that time, I didn't understand those statements.  It's very clear to me now.  My education was my responsibility.  I communicate the concept to my daughter so that she owns her education.  I use different verbage although it's the same message. 

So with everything that you guys have going on how do you keep yourself and your family strong?

 It's a constant shift in thoughts when I feel tired. The sacrifice is worth the goal. I'm also more intentional regarding our health. We're eating less processed food and starting a regimen of vitams. When your body is storng, you're better equipped to handle stress.

Parental Resilience - the parent’s ability to rebound or spring back from the challenges that emerge in every family which can determine the strength of that family.

As parents we face many challenges, sometimes they come back to back with little time to recover. How well do you deal with them? How do you keep yourself and your family strong during those challenging times?

Last year I had one of the biggest challenges of my life. My daughter was diagnosed with Tethered Cord Syndrome. Tethered cord syndrome is a stretch-induced functional disorder associated with the fixation (tethering) effect of inelastic tissue on the caudal spinal cord, limiting its movement. This abnormal attachment is associated with progressive stretching and increased tension of the spinal cord as a child ages, potentially resulting in a variety of neurological problems and other symptoms.

Basically she needed spinal surgery. The thought of my then 5 year old needing surgery was a lot to handle, and it became more complicated when I inquired about other options. If we agreed to surgery the negative repercussions included, she could be paralyzed, end up with weakness on one side of her body forever, and of course the biggest fear, death. If I don’t agree to the surgery the symptoms that helped us identify the problem could / would get worse (bladder too small for her age, leg pain which would get worse), and finally she could develop Spina Bifida. I had to make a decision that would / could affect my child for the rest of her life. What if I made the wrong decision?

Emotionally I was spent. Needless to say I had many sleepless nights, but when my kids got up in the morning I was "ON" (put on the happy face and keep it moving).  When I drop them off at school I would let down my guard a bit, but not much, I had to work. It was very hard for me to focus because all I could think about was my child and what would be the best decision for her. She’s always been a little fighter, but didn’t she deserve a pass? I mean she was born at 1 pound and 12 ounces and fought to stay alive so much so that the doctors and nurses nicknamed her 'Super Starr'... “she will always be my little Starr”!

I kept myself and my family strong by getting the help I needed, and took some much needed free time to regroup so that I could provide for my family. I have some incredible friends who would go to dinner with me and just watch me cry and talk through all that was going on. When it came time for the surgery  I needed to take a month unpaid leave from work.  This would put a serious financial strain on my family as I am a single parent. Many of my friends pulled together to help out by giving me money, providing food for us that month, and making sure my other child was dropped off and picked up from school every day. My family was also vital in helping me get through that time, they kept my children so I could have time for myself to think, watch a movie, or whatever I wanted. They kept my older daughter while I was at the hospital with the baby. My daughter also got a lot of support and people made her feel special, sending her gifts. Her teachers actually came to the hospital to see her, presenting her with cards and a gift from her classmates. Anyone who knows my child knows she's shy and doesn’t freely talk to people and give out hugs.  She’s in first grade now, and just about every day she goes to her former teacher's class to talk to her, and often will walk up to her and give her a hug (I have family members she still will not hug).

Sometimes as parents we feel bad taking time for ourselves thinking we are somehow taking away from our children / family. I’ve learned that if you don’t take care of yourself there is no taking care of the family, let’s not kid ourselves.

How do you cope during your challenging times?